So, I made it through the whole long-term international tour.
And my last leg of travel was completely deliberate… as much as I knew I would want to get home… to get my next chapter finally going… I knew that time with my two BEST FRIENDS.. my absofuckinlutely CHOSEN FAMILY… I knew that time would really be the punctuation of healing for my heart, and a huge source of positive energy as I headed into “real life” for real post-WMFT.
And I was right.
This might sound weird, but one of the things I craved on the World Tour.. through my healing process in divorce.. in deep personal breakdown.. in gratuitous life change.. I craved arms around me. Simply being held. A totally normal human feeling for sure. I craved the comfort that only loving physical care can give a person.
And I didn’t really have a source for that.
Sure, I got hugs here and there from friends along the way, but really I was in this experience of aloneness. And all the feelings that come with that. I was learning what that looked like, felt like, ultimately where it came from for me and how I could more consciously navigate that “need” for myself and taking responsibility for my own wellbeing.
And I did it.
I dug deep and learned more about myself than I ever knew was there.
We don’t know what we don’t know.
There are always things to discover inside us.
I saw that craving for physical care in me.
I looked at it intensely, objectively, and with the intention of clearing away anything that might be trying to keep me from being anything but happy in ALL of life’s vast experiences.
So fast forward, I’m back in the US… on my final leg of this epic journey… and I’m on it with Carolyn Chow and Shannon Hernandez, the people I trust the most in this world.
There is SO MUCH FREEDOM in that level of trust.
In that level of love.
So in considering that… I recognized it for the opportunity it was, and always is.
In really thinking about it, I recognized our friendship as a space to test life… to test myself… to see if there was more there for me to see that I hadn’t seen yet.
I recognized it as a space to grow.
So I came up with this idea…
I told Shannon and Carolyn both, that if they were up for it, I wanted to do an experiment.
I wanted to sit together for minimum of 30 minutes, and have them just hold me. Like, legit, have them put their arms around me, and I just have to let them.
I have to let them hold me.
I have to let them love me.
There’s something about this idea that, at least for me, immediately feels awkward… I laugh just thinking about it… hahahaa… while concurrently feeling nervous. Like, oh man, I’m going to have to sit there for 30 MINUTES with another person doing this specific, and potentially weird thing entirely for me.
I recognized the resistance in me to even ask for this, and given I’m a person who is always up for expanding into those areas where I feel blocked… knowing that when we do… that’s where the biggest transformations take place…
Because of that…
And they did it.
Of course they did.
That’s what unconditional support and love looks like.