On one hand, it’s this life of truly incredible freedom, being able to literally do whatever you want, whenever you want. Hop on a plane at a moment’s notice, work from wherever you are, execute plans of your own inspired design, etc. This is most definitely why I am so drawn to entrepreneurship. I LOVE that feeling of being in control of my own destiny, having no one to answer to, no one holding me back, and having no ceiling on my, and my business’s, potential. Truly amazing. And f*cking FUN. It’s a lifestyle I couldn’t have even conjured five years ago.
Then there’s the other side of it, the completely terrifying no-shit-this-really-is-all-up-to-me-what-if-I-can’t-do-it-holy-sh*t-ahhhhh! part of it. Those days when your brain is flooded with negative what-ifs, confidence is shaky at best, and fear gets the better of you such that you cry randomly on the phone to your coach and have to talk the whole half hour to figure out why you’re crying in the first place. (*cough*… me on Monday… *cough*cough*)
I mean, the inherent definition of freedom implies insecurity. So with the joy of complete freedom, in theory we also get the terror of full-on vulnerability.
Every so often it’ll hit me like it’s this brand new thought… that for reals, no f*cking joke, I’ve done this. I’ve quit my job that provided me a predictable and dependable paycheck, to take this chance on myself and my dream. Amazing, yes, and did I mention terror yet? Just checking.
See, I like to think I’m a hard core person.. and most of the time, I think I am. I mean, man, some of the crap I’ve done– my entire skydiving career, college choices, prolific and spontaneous travel, my external honesty experiment, etc.– I don’t know how else I’d describe it. Perhaps obsessive.. extremist… haha yeah, hard core seems the coolest description at this point. But anyway, even with that gene of courage, I still have days of weakness. I still have days where I feel like poop, breakdown, and succumb to my fears.
The bigger thing I’m pondering though is the simple yin-and-yang nature we can see in pretty much everything. These are just a couple of examples I’m seeing for myself lately. What examples of this are you seeing in your life? Anything Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde? Dr. Banner/Incredible Hulk? Fun/UN-fun? Free/Frightening? Anything that started one way, and is now looking another? If so, do you think it will sway back?
I actually think that last question is the key.. and the bigger insight that always helps me out of my slumps… that it always swings back. Understanding that entrepreneurship is inherently infused with both freedom and insecurity, and I can expect to feel both. And in expecting to feel both, oddly I’m not so worried in the moments of terror. Because on the back end, I know it’s just part of the deal, and I’ll yaw back to awesome as soon as I get some sleep, go for a run, or write a sh*t-hot email to one of my kick-a** clients. Or this blog post. hehe Boom, booyah, back in action! 😉