I thought I had already shared this one, and when I looked it up on the blog, it wasn’t there. So much of healing in my experience includes the conscious and deliberate courage to feel through and express whatever remaining grief we’re still holding inside us.
This part of my healing has been just as transformative and critical as the courage in the realm of creating and connecting.
If you feel like you have more to process and express, like pretty much all of us on this planet I’d guess, check out this piece and the book that inspired it.
Only and always love, my friends.
Blue Skies Magazine, August 2016
Life Coaching Column #73
“The Grief Club*”
By Melanie Curtis
7 people are dead. In one week. F*ck, I hate writing about this. It means it happened. It means we lost people we love. It means so many are in pain.
I feel a swell in my system just typing that.
Greif and loss is something we haven’t talked about much here and we don’t talk about much in general. We are a community of positive mother fuckers who take challenge and loss, look it in the face, and say, “ain’t no one gonna steal my shine.” No, that’s not a movie line or anything, I’m just speaking to the typical response I see in our sport… the one of celebrating life, and taking our loss of loved ones and turning that now vast hole in our lives as a place we can fill with wonderful things inspired by their memories.
Make no mistake… this is WONDERFUL. I have experienced this many times over my career, and I will tell you little more helps get us through that pain, than attaching the loss to something positive and greater going into our new future without them.
Why I write this post though is to speak the grief… to what that experience really is… to the feelings that consume us… that collapse us on the floor, wracking us with sobs until we reach the next respite.
These feelings can feel like they will never end when we’re in the most pointed periods of grief. I write this so just in case you don’t know.. that you do know.. that you feel supported in my sharing here… that this is normal. That that intense pain is normal. AND you will get through it.
I think it happens sometimes when people haven’t experienced great loss yet in their lives, that they don’t even know that grief is a thing. A real thing. A process of healing a deep wound. I liken it to having a major physical surgery or injury… how when that happens, no one would even think twice about staying in bed, taking time to rest, recover, and heal. When it’s an emotional wound, in a way, it’s the same thing. The healing process takes time and effort. When you break your leg, you rest as we’ve said, and you do physical therapy (PT). Then you rest some more. Then you do more PT. When we have a deep emotional wound, we need the same things. We need rest. We need therapy. I absolutely recommend traditional therapy with a professional when you are in emotional crisis. The feeling of stability and security that a trusted pro brings to that time when all we feel is unstable and insecure in a scary world, is invaluable.
We rest and work through the crisis, same as we rest and work to get our muscle strength back after atrophy. It’s the same.
Call on your trusted people for help. Call in pros in the areas that you need help. Let your feelings flow when they need to. Keep going. Know that this is your grief process and you’re not failing because you feel, you’re not failing because it’s taking way longer than you ever thought it would, and you’re never never never alone.