Getting up to speak at Jonathan’s service was one of (if not the) most terrifying things I have ever done.
You feel like nothing you say or do could ever actually be good enough. On the day of the service, driving over, we were listening to some TT’s (Tizzle Tunes), and I tapped into how truly hard core it was what I was about to do for my friend. And that type of experience was what Jonathan was all about. Totally hard core, pushing the envelope in everything he did. It didn’t matter what I said or how I said it.. what mattered was that I did it. That I didn’t back down in the face of my fear.
In that thought I found calm… I channeled his energy and example. I still didn’t know what was going to happen or how I was going to do, but there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to do it. Before the morning was through I would have gotten up in front of Jonathan’s world to tell them what we were together, how much we loved each other, and how much we laughed.
Walking away from the lectern, I had no idea what I said, but I’m certain I did everything in my power to honor my best friend, and I know he is proud. PEACE .. Coppaaahhh!!
My guess is more stories and inspiration will come to me over time. I hope you enjoy. And something I posted on Facebook today that I think is worth repeating… “Love who you love and love them right now. Out loud. Knowing they know is a gateway to great peace inside.”
I know without shadow of doubt that Jonathan knew I loved him and how much I loved him. How much he truly meant to me. Because I told him all the time. I wasn’t shy in sharing my love with him, and pouring it on him. Haha that sounds funny.. but that’s what I did sometimes. I’m so grateful for all the times I got to say it and show it, big or small. And I encourage us all to say it and show it as much as we can.
Thank you as always for reading, and know I have tons of love in my heart for each and every one of you too.